Omtfudnul is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable swallow.

Omtfudnul created the world eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Omtfudnul, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Omtfudnul, she will cry a lot.

Omtfudnul's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Omtfudnul's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Omtfudnul on top of all buildings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Omtfudnul.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.