Lapgunwee is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, pitiless wyvern.

Lapgunwee created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapgunwee, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lapgunwee, she will destroy your favourite star.

Lapgunwee's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lapgunwee's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

5. Never think about cell theory.