Vonkfontan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, capable wyrm.

Vonkfontan created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfontan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Vonkfontan, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vonkfontan's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Vonkfontan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head yellow.

2. Vonkfontan must be the most important thing in your life.

3. You must pray to Vonkfontan four times a day.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not cook food in pots.