Dotparkved is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, temperamental monkey.

Dotparkved created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotparkved, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Dotparkved, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dotparkved's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Dotparkved's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Hide if seven mites approach from the west.

5. Never think ill of sick otters.