Tapcatdin is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, boastful centaur.

Tapcatdin created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapcatdin, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tapcatdin, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tapcatdin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tapcatdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tapcatdin's name in vain.

2. Never talk about shrews.

3. Never feed melons to moths while wearing white dresses.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Always take life seriously.