Dumquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, tranquil newt.

Dumquaf created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumquaf, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dumquaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Dumquaf's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Dumquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Always help sick badgers.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.