Libvolcam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish spider.

Libvolcam created a quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Libvolcam, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Libvolcam, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Libvolcam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Libvolcam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never paint your hands violet.

3. Do not kill dolphins.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.