Ponbessleg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-knowing otter.

Ponbessleg created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponbessleg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ponbessleg, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Ponbessleg's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Ponbessleg's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ponbessleg.

2. Do not take Ponbessleg's name in vain.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. You must love Ponbessleg.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.