Wegmanlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, temperamental manatee.

Wegmanlarp created silver three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wegmanlarp, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Wegmanlarp, he will send you a sign.

Wegmanlarp's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Wegmanlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never mention aardvarks.

4. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never bounce in the presence of turtles.