Tifmeghud is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, pitiless shrew.

Tifmeghud created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifmeghud, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tifmeghud, he will turn you into a slug.

Tifmeghud's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Tifmeghud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed turnips to ants while wearing brown stockings.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Tifmeghud on top of important buildings.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not kill manatees.