Vagtikmad is a god.

He takes the form of a large, kind spider.

Vagtikmad created parasitic wasps four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagtikmad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vagtikmad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vagtikmad's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Vagtikmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Vagtikmad must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.