Tarmonsis is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, all-knowing dugong.

Tarmonsis created parasitic wasps nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarmonsis, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tarmonsis, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tarmonsis' most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Tarmonsis' Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not stand on grass.