Bettargbum is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, dishonourable walrus.

Bettargbum created the Tadpole Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bettargbum, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bettargbum, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bettargbum's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Bettargbum's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always treat moths with great respect.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bettargbum.

4. Hide if five gulls approach from the south.

5. Never go into blue rooms.