Bagjapkar is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable cow.

Bagjapkar created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagjapkar, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bagjapkar, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bagjapkar's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bagjapkar's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bagjapkar first in all things.

2. Never think ill of sick rats.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Bagjapkar loves mice, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not take Bagjapkar's name in vain.