Labquafhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, humorless rat.

Labquafhiv created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labquafhiv, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Labquafhiv, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Labquafhiv's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Labquafhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Labquafhiv loves moths, so they must be respected.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Never eat green fruit.