Gadjenmatsogwik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, two-faced tortoise.

Gadjenmatsogwik created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadjenmatsogwik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gadjenmatsogwik, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gadjenmatsogwik's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Gadjenmatsogwik's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not take Gadjenmatsogwik's name in vain.

5. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.