Hakcussarm is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, deceitful narwhal.

Hakcussarm created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcussarm, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hakcussarm, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Hakcussarm's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Hakcussarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Pigs are not to be trusted.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not kill mites.