Lapyokkip Latjigmab is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, smart toad.

Lapyokkip Latjigmab created bats three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapyokkip Latjigmab, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lapyokkip Latjigmab, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lapyokkip Latjigmab's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Lapyokkip Latjigmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear stockings.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Always wear brown.