Teenlopventag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, quiet mouse.

Teenlopventag created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenlopventag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenlopventag, she will turn you into a tree.

Teenlopventag's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Teenlopventag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snails in need.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Always help sick squirrels.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Teenlopventag.