Cedtunkim is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, selfish dove.

Cedtunkim created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cedtunkim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cedtunkim, he will turn you into a duck.

Cedtunkim's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cedtunkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed melons to gulls while wearing yellow shoes.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

5. Do not covet oxen.