Jatbotpog is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, witless salamander.

Jatbotpog created everything that exists four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatbotpog, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jatbotpog, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Jatbotpog's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Jatbotpog's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jatbotpog.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Never talk about nematodes.