Zigcatren is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, annoying shark.

Zigcatren created the cosmos nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zigcatren, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zigcatren, he will turn you into a puffin.

Zigcatren's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Zigcatren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Zigcatren's name in vain.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Always help eagles.

4. Run away from violet grasshopers, for they are unholy.

5. Run away if seven tapirs approach from the south.