Zakfudtit is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, benevolent coyote.

Zakfudtit created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakfudtit, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zakfudtit, he will make you grow a tail.

Zakfudtit's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Zakfudtit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never feed bananas to capybaras while wearing fawn shoes.