Zodtikrap is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, witty swallow.

Zodtikrap created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodtikrap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zodtikrap, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zodtikrap's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zodtikrap's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Erect four zinc sculptures of Zodtikrap on top of important buildings.

3. Always help goats in need.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never eat bark.