Dosszagjop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unsympathetic penguin.

Dosszagjop created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Dosszagjop, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dosszagjop, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Dosszagjop's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Dosszagjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to aardvarks while wearing gray stockings.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Dosszagjop must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.