Zagquamsis is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, emotional zebra.

Zagquamsis created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagquamsis, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zagquamsis, it will turn you into a hamster.

Zagquamsis' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Zagquamsis' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the west.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.