Zinhasjab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unjust grasshopper.

Zinhasjab created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zinhasjab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zinhasjab, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Zinhasjab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Zinhasjab's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Zinhasjab nine times a day.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always help snails in need.

4. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.