Taplabtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient crocodile.

Taplabtarg created the Black Eye Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Taplabtarg, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Taplabtarg, it will destroy your home solar system.

Taplabtarg's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Taplabtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ants.

2. You must never eat figs.

3. Run away from purple monkeys, for they are unholy.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Always stare at clouds.