Zetkadzab is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, passionate gorilla.

Zetkadzab created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zetkadzab, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zetkadzab, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Zetkadzab's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Zetkadzab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Zetkadzab first in all things.

2. Zetkadzab loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Always look after injured pigs.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zetkadzab.