Jiparfbam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, staggering goat.

Jiparfbam created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jiparfbam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jiparfbam, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Jiparfbam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Jiparfbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair indigo.

2. Never run near snakes.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your head.