Labtagort is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, quiet hummingbird.

Labtagort created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labtagort, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Labtagort, he will send minions to preach to you.

Labtagort's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Labtagort's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Respect your elders.