Lapbonfebxuc is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, awe-inspiring hedgehog.

Lapbonfebxuc created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapbonfebxuc, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lapbonfebxuc, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lapbonfebxuc's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Lapbonfebxuc's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lapbonfebxuc nine times a day.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always wear green.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Retreat if five monkeys approach from the east.