Futminvab is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, astonishing guinea pig.

Futminvab created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futminvab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futminvab, she will come to you in dreams.

Futminvab's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Futminvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about swans.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always help monkeys in need.

4. Always help snakes.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.