Dapvogwod is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, bad-tempered newt.

Dapvogwod created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapvogwod, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dapvogwod, she will turn you into a mouse.

Dapvogwod's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Dapvogwod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Always look after injured pigs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.