Tadvonkstiplad is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unsympathetic grasshopper.

Tadvonkstiplad created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tadvonkstiplad, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tadvonkstiplad, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tadvonkstiplad's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tadvonkstiplad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.