Sawripjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, cheerful guinea pig.

Sawripjarn created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawripjarn, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sawripjarn, he will turn you into a goat.

Sawripjarn's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sawripjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight mites approach from the east.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from purple gulls for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never eat gooseberries.