Sogruttwat is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, ruthless gorilla.

Sogruttwat created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sogruttwat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Sogruttwat, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Sogruttwat's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Sogruttwat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed coconuts to seals while wearing indigo ear rings.

3. Sogruttwat loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sogruttwat.