Vonkspagzen is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate naga.

Vonkspagzen created the Sol system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkspagzen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonkspagzen, he will turn you into a slug.

Vonkspagzen's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vonkspagzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. Hide if four sheep approach from the west.

5. Never write about gravity.