Zessmatfid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, tranquil duck.

Zessmatfid created life two years ago.

If you believe in Zessmatfid, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zessmatfid, he will turn you into a duck.

Zessmatfid's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Zessmatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight moths approach from the north.

2. Never feed figs to eagles while wearing purple dresses.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Do not cook food in pots.