Quamlakdav is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, annoying hyena.

Quamlakdav created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamlakdav, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quamlakdav, it will turn you into a dog.

Quamlakdav's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Quamlakdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured geese.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Quamlakdav loves foxes, so they must be respected.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.