Arfjontail is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless skunk.

Arfjontail created viruses four million years ago.

If you believe in Arfjontail, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Arfjontail, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Arfjontail's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Arfjontail's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat gooseberries.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.