Zimbonkmet is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, fussy tortoise.

Zimbonkmet created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimbonkmet, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zimbonkmet, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zimbonkmet's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Zimbonkmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Put Zimbonkmet first in all things.

5. Never eat peanuts.