Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, blissful ant.

Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen, she will make you grow a tail.

Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

4. Never hurt birds.

5. Voltofhiv Xuckmigfen loves pigs, so they must be respected.