Lapciss is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, generous faun.

Lapciss created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapciss, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapciss, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lapciss' most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Lapciss' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always obey Lapciss' priests.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.