Hamren is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, bad-tempered dolphin.

Hamren created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamren, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hamren, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hamren's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Hamren's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Run away if four ants approach from the west.

4. Worship no other gods but Hamren.

5. Cats are not to be trusted.