Panwitcutfartadbifwee is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered meerkat.

Panwitcutfartadbifwee created silver seven million years ago.

If you believe in Panwitcutfartadbifwee, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Panwitcutfartadbifwee, it will turn you into a puffin.

Panwitcutfartadbifwee's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Panwitcutfartadbifwee's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not speak about apples.