Cimzutvig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, passionate hyena.

Cimzutvig created the Andromeda Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimzutvig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cimzutvig, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cimzutvig's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Cimzutvig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Cimzutvig.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.