Quafhotcen is a god.

It takes the form of a large, grumpy hydra.

Quafhotcen created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafhotcen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quafhotcen, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Quafhotcen's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Quafhotcen's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Do not hurt nematodes.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. Do not kill aardvarks.

5. Never eat garlic.