Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, egotistical fish.

Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog created parasitic wasps nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog, it will turn you into a hamster.

Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Talgidstigzagtailmumkapfob Janvanzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Feed all hungry great tits.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not dye your hair red.