Yarlbampas is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, able wasp.

Yarlbampas created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbampas, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarlbampas, she will turn you into a dog.

Yarlbampas' most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Yarlbampas' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Yarlbampas on top of all buildings.

4. Run away if seven sharks approach from the east.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.